my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
