There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
