Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
