Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
