i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize