I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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