And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The beer is more important than you right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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