Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm like, not good at living.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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