You can't motorboat a personality
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
