please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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