Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
