does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my being single is dangerous.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's the barista slut.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
