She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
