Only a mothe r could love this liver
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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