It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
