Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
