Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
