While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
