I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
