I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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