it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize