dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Operation Purity has been aborted
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
