Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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