Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize