woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
