i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize