You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
its liver damage thursday
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
