im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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