I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
