I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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