sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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