woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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