Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
