I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
