smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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