one might say we're banned from that church
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
