Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
