You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
