I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
