yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
