It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
