why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize