omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
