We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
