when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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