just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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