The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
