you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
