What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
