What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize