Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
