I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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