Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
