why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
