We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize