a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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