apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
