chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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