I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
