I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
