she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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