omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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