Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize