On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
