Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
