so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
