its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
