she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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