he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
