Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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