She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
