god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
