Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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