you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
