He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
