..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
