you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
