She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
