I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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