Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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