I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize