Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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