Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
