Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I believe in your delicious
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
