Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize