hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
