You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
