Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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