Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
