Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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