she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
