Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
