hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize