no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
