It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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